I’ve told people before:

“God can use you anywhere!”

“Where you’re at doesn’t matter as much as what you’re doing.”

And a favorite quote from a Bible School teacher on where to serve as a missionary, “The worst that could happen is if you go to the wrong place, the wrong people get saved!”

But now I’m seeing how much I really believed those statements…or rather didn’t believe them.

As you know Little Dude is back with us again, just a couple of days before we were about to move from Missouri and start our travels around the States before heading to West Africa, we were notified that he might need a home again. Talk about crazy emotions, VERY excited to get to take care of this precious little boy, confused because we thought things were going pretty well at home, and lots of wonder about what this meant for our plans.

Prior to Little Dude moving back in with us, our plans were for us to be traveling, to New York (which we did do with Little Dude), to Mexico (which ended up just being Cameron instead of all of us), to Texas, and probably some other places as well. Instead we’re staying here in Missouri to maintain our Missouri foster licence so we can continue to take care of Little Dude. The plan was to be homeschooling, which we’ve been doing, but will end next month when the 2 kids go to public school. It’s taken me some time to get used to the idea of sending my lil’ 1st grader and kindergartener to public school all day. And while we’re still hoping to get to West Africa in January, things with Little Dude are going sloooooooow, and we’re wondering if we’ll really make it by then.

All that to say, because we feel a responsibility to and love for Little Dude, we are staying here for now…and we’re not quite sure how long “for now” is. It’s been tough for me to come to grips with all the unknowns looming in our future. I’ve been discouraged thinking:

“What if we don’t get to West Africa in January?”

“What will people think of us changing our plans?”

“Why does it take so long to find anything out about Little Dude’s situation?”

“My little 5 and 6 year old at a school almost all day long?”

And my thoughts and anxieties go on and on.

Some friends/mentors recently were talking with us and we were expressing some of our frustrations. He responded by reminding us to bloom where planted.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that little phrase. With God’s help, He’s helping me to remember to look at the here and now, after all we don’t really know how much longer we have, but we do know we have RIGHT NOW!

I’m trying to re-focus my CURRENT responsibilities…like taking care of the 2 kids I have now. Teaching them about their Rescuer, loving them, growing in my many areas of weakness (time management, patience, trusting the Lord, just to name a few).  I’m also hoping to volunteer at the kids’ school and I’ll be helping 3 mornings a week at the missionary training center’s childcare, and as time goes on we’ll see if more opportunities come up for me to “bloom” right here where I’m at.

But I’ve gotta tell you, this growing into a beautiful blossom thing isn’t easy. I’m realizing more and more all the time how much God needs to peel away me. These situations reveal that I really don’t trust Him and in my prideful arrogance I think I know best. But I know it’ll be worth this discomfort if it rips away more of me and helps me cling more to Him.

 

Amy

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